Thursday, June 19, 2008

"Stop the Merry-Go-Round - I Want to Get Off!"

I am my own worst enemy at over-committing myself.

Now, that’s not a particularly new insight – what’s new is that I “got it” this week BEFORE making the commitment. Usually, it doesn’t sink in until I’m up to my eyeballs and paddling frantically to keep my head above water. And then I wonder how I got there.

This week, as I said, I took a step in the right direction.

I’d seen an ad in last week’s Jewish Week for a new, two-year class that would be starting in the fall. The topic was interesting; the contact person is someone I’d love to study with. So I popped off a quick email asking for more information and began (in my mind) to try the idea on for size.

When I received a response to my request for more information – I stopped cold in my tracks: did I really want to commit to being out another night each week (I’m currently running at least two nights many weeks next fall)? Did I really want to make a two-year commitment, when my life is still in a state of transition? Did I really want to obligate myself to read 100 pages a week, when often it’s all I can do at the end of the day to play mindless games on my computer?

But, I argued with myself, the teacher is great – energizing, exciting; I’d learn a lot. Furthermore, it was time to make a commitment to study – after all, I’m not working full time anymore. Best of all – it looks interesting.

Ultimately, I kept coming back to the question of time. Midway through this discussion with myself, I realized that just because things have eased up this past month (it is summer, after all!), they won’t always be at this relaxed pace – and the class time and prep time were more than it was reasonable to commit to during this period of transition. For me. For right now.

So I guess I’ll pass on the opportunity for right now. Maybe I’ll catch it when it goes around again.

Whew! I'm grateful that I recognized that the only one that can over-commit me is me. (I wonder how many more times I have to practice this lesson before it really sinks in?)

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