And so a Journey Ends

Today I retired from my job as the founding Director/Teacher at Gan Shalom Cooperative Preschool in Washington, DC – the latest in my career as a Jewish educator and/or administrator at several Jewish institutions in the greater Washington DC area.

I fell into Jewish education almost as an accident. 

Over twenty years ago, after thoughtful consideration and a great deal of angst, we made the decision to remove our children from the religious school they were enrolled in.  I would homeschool them in Judaism while we searched for a school that would be a better fit for all of us.  It was springtime, right after Purim, and I scrambled to pull materials together for the rest of the academic year. I discovered the Teacher Resource Center at what was then called the Board of Jewish Education and began my week each Monday morning by looking through their files and planning my lessons. 

We discovered, my children and I, that some kids learn best by doing, some by seeing, and some by hearing.  But the most important thing we learned is that learning has to be relevant.

The Director of the Library/Resource Center was helpful and encouraging and I was grateful for both.  As a convert to Judaism, I was all too aware of my limitations. 

A couple of months after our homeschool venture began, she offered me a job as a teacher in the religious school she was directing.  Ultimately I decided to accept the challenge.

Thus, my journey as a formal Jewish educator began.

Many of the published materials then available were extremely dated in focus and content.  I began to generate my own materials for my classes – keeping in mind always those critical lessons my children  taught me:  not all kids learn the same and learning has to be relevant.

Fast-forward twenty-three years:  I've taught all ages from preschoolers to adults, directed two religious schools, founded a preschool, written curriculum, and presented staff development workshops locally, regionally, and nationally.  I established my own Jewish educational consulting business. I've planned, coordinated, and facilitated several regional programs for students and for teachers.

My journey as a Jewish educator may have been an accident – or it may have been b’shert (meant to be).  I still haven’t decided!

As I turned sixty in January, I began to take stock.  My commute had become more onerous in the last couple of years.  I could get down on the floor to play with my students, but found it increasingly difficult to get back up again! The prospect of expanding the school filled me with fatigue instead of excitement and creativity.  I began wonder if “it was time:” time to step aside; to focus on personal goals instead of professional ones.

When I thought about it, I realized I've been working since I was sixteen:  fast food, food service, clerical worker, administrative assistant, social worker, preschool teacher, religious school teacher, administrator, and consultant.  As many of us do, I've juggled those responsibilities along with my roles as full-time mom, and community volunteer. 

I began to wonder what it would be like to slow down.  It was frightening:  so much of who we are is often defined by what we do.

I talked with people whose opinions I value; I read books on transitions and self-definition; and I began to look at alternative ways of self-definition. 

And so, today I retired.  I will no longer have the day-in, day-out responsibility for running a Jewish educational institution, with all that is entailed.

Monday, a new journey begins. 

End-of-the-Holidays: A Look Ahead

So what might the new year bring? "What changes can I effect to improve myself and the world I live in?" That's one of the key questions of the Fall Holiday liturgy.

In early September, I went to see my internist for a long-overdue general physical (about 3 years overdue). As we reviewed my general health and he began to order some tests and referrals (also long overdue), it dawned on me that I'd spent the last decade focusing on other family members' health and other concerns, and continuously deferred my own. (Except for the gall bladder surgery - and the sleep apnea diagnosis).

My doctor is very direct - and doesn't believe in spreading guilt or mincing words. How he is able to accomplish those two things at the same time, I will never know. But I admire him immensely for his ability to do so and am a grateful recipient of his expertise. He's also an excellent diagnostician, has a superb group of specialists he refers out to, and does a great job of serving as "case manager."

So when he looks me in the eye and says, "You've got some things to pay attention to," I sit up straight and listen.

BP - very high; LDL cholesterol is high; HDL is too low; blood sugar numbers are in the "glucose intolerance" range. He also gives me a referral to a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy, and to a radiologist for a mammogram (long overdue, especially with my history). He prescribes a BP med, vitamin D, recommends the Mediterranean Diet, exercising, and we schedule several follow-up visits in order to monitor progress.

My dentist tells me I need dental work done.

My ophthalmologist has me scheduled for my second cataract surgery and toric implant surgery on October 14th.

I leave their offices feeling vulnerable. A little angry. Guilty for letting things get to this point.

I cling to two thoughts: my dad's favorite saying: You can't control the cards you're dealt, you can only control how you play 'em. And my internist's final comment: Change what you can - diet, exercise - but realize that part of your health and these numbers are determined by genetics. You can't control genetics.

Both are helpful - they have become my mantra.

So, changes I can make:

• We've joined a CSA (Consumer Supported Agriculture group) for the fall season and will get a share of fresh vegetables each Monday to use in building our meals around.
• I picked up a couple of cook books and have scanned the internet for recipes that are both kosher and fit the Mediterranean Diet.
• I've begun to do a little walking - got thrown off base by Yom Kippur but will get back to it.
• I'm using my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea a little more consistently - my goal is to use it 5 nights out of 7.
• I've determined to pick up my knitting needles again.
• Before I leave a doctor's office, I schedule my next appointment.
• I had my colonoscopy - even if it was my first child's 28th birthday!
• I've decided to jetison the "guilt" thing - I was busy with other people's health issues these past 10 years - and that's okay. It's done. Now it's time to take care of my own - and that's also okay.

Other changes the new year offers:

I'm teaching a course (training madrichim) at the very first synagogue I ever attended services at - where I converted with Rabbi Gene Lipman, z'l, and where my husband and I joined. Many warm and wonderful memories - it's interesting to be "on staff" there. So far, I'm loving it!

I'm also doing a series of madrichim workshops at a synagogue where I had taught for 8 years and directed for 2 years. Our "classroom" is the library, where we used to have senior staff meetings. I was surprised that there were parents who still remembered me - I left there almost eight years ago - a lifetime in a supplemental school setting!

[Note: my husband's taken to calling this year "The year that Mary revisits her roots"!]

I'm part of a planning committee that's working on our regional training in November. We're drastically changing the way we'll do things. More about that later, as things evolve.

I'm leading two Torah study sessions in the next two months: Shabbat Noach at Tikvat Israel and Shabbat Vayeshev at Oseh Shalom.

Next weekend, we celebrate the 70th birthday of a dear friend - someone who's been a mentor and helped sustain me through many of the challenges the last decade presented. Without her loving and caring, it would have been much more difficult than it was.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven" (Eccl 3:1)

End-of-the-Holidays: Reflections on the Past

For many of us, this time of year is filled with introspection, reviewing the past year and looking forward to the coming year. Some years, moreso than others. This has been one of those seasons for me.

I realized as some point in the middle of the holiday liturgy that this last decade has been a most difficult one for us. Beginning in January 2000, here's an abbreviated chronology:

• January 2000 - a dear aunt died after heart surgery
• February 2000 - my mother-in-law died unexpectedly in her sleep
• Spring 2000 - trying to help one child find the "right" college, all while
  grieving his grandmother
• Spring 2000 - one child is grappling with clinical depression
• September 2001 - one child leaves for college
• September 2001 - September 11th - particularly close to home for those of us in the greater Washington DC area. Almost every family I worked with at that time was impacted directly - or had a co-worker who was.
• September 2002 - our second child leaves for college; I began a new job
• October 2002 - the Washington area sniper struck - six victims were killed within five miles of our house
• January 2003 - I was "let go" from my job (first time ever! Two weeks before my 50th birthday)
• June 2003 - began a job as interim religious school director
• May 2004 - one child graduates from college; is unable to find a job
• July 2004 - gall bladder surgery
• July 2004 - my mother's health continues to decline; she becomes a recluse
• Spring 2005 - one child developes a health condition, which results in a 10-day period of hospitalization
• May 2005 - second child "walked" across the stage; graduation pending completion of several credits
• November 2006 - auto accident: hit head on, car totaled; walked away with "only" a broken toe and some mobility issues
• November 2006 - second child returns home, needing to complete some coursework by January
• Winter-Spring 2007 - child's health problems increase
• June 2007 - leave job and open my consulting business
• Winter 2007-08 - child hospitalized twice
• September 07 - my father has emergency surgery; does not go well; hospitalized for almost 2 weeks
• Summer 08 - mom's dementia is constant; losing weight; my father struggles
• Winter 08-09 - my father-in-law meets a new health challenge; we feel helpless to assist
• December 09 - mom goes into home hospice care
• February 09 - mom goes into a nursing home for hospice care
• April 09 - spend a week with my dad and mother - dementia is total; there's no time but "right this instant" - the strain on my father is worrisome
• June 09 - my mother dies - her death a release for all
• August 09 - I have cataract surgery on one eye (second eye scheduled for 10/14)
• September 09 - a friend of my son's from college days dies unexpectedly - from an infection picked up in the hospital. We are shell-shocked.

There have been some blessings along the way: children both graduated from college, both currently gainfully employed in jobs they like and which allow them to contribute to the communal weal; I find that my consulting business is doing well - I'm grateful for the colleagues who support me; my husband and I have celebrated 31 years of marriage - and we're still going strong! My mother's death has provided a release for many of us. It was good to spend time with my brothers and sisters-in-law when we were home for the funeral. I've been involved in starting a non-profit tzedakah organization; and currently sit on the board of another (educational) nonprofit. My child's health appears to have stabilized - and we're all rejoicing about that! Cousins' children get married - it's nice to gather for something other than funerals! We've found a place we dream about retiring to... and anticipate that the best is yet to come. We traveled to Israel.... and are determined to return. Our finances, which took a hit because of high medical costs and job changes, are beginning to stabilize and improve. Perhaps most importantly, all four of us are working -- the three of them full-time and me part-time.

In the listing of our challenges (above), I am struck by two things: 1) how truly my husband and I fit the profile as members of the "sandwich" generation; and 2) that the feelings of being overwhelmed and/or sad that I sometimes have stem from reasonable causes.

Some thoughts on looking ahead tomorrow.

On Your Mark...

The pace has really accellerated this past week or so. It usually does, in August, but this year, the summer was busier than usual. Here's a recap:

• June began with our air conditioner needing replacement (a necessity in the Washington DC area!).
• My mother died shortly thereafter, after a long illness. I spent a week with my father and brothers.
• We received notice of grant funding for Madrichim (teen aide) training, to be held on August 30th.
• A colleague contracted for a major curriculum rewrite - we worked together over 25 hours between the end of June and the end of July.
• Our kitchen, dining room and hallway were painted and "re-staged."
• I met with another client to plan some family programs with her.
• We went to Israel.
• I wrote lessons and teacher guides for the Madrichim Training - and submitted two of them to a publisher who'd asked me to develop some materials for madrichim training.
• We staffed the Training session and distributed teaching materials to the facilitators.
• Five directors spoke to me about doing training workshops - three for staff orientations, and two for training during the school year.
• I met with another colleague, who's piloting an innovative idea for family education.
• I had eye surgery (successfully!)
• We received notice of funding for another large program (Lev B'Lev - "Heart to Heart") in Northern Virginia that I'll be facilitating again this year, in January.
• Materials for that program were compiled, duplicated and will be distributed at a regional directors' meeting next week.
• And there's been the usual complement of volunteer work: meetings (committee and board), knitting, Mitzvah Heroes work.

Whew! I knew the summer was busy as the weeks were passing - but, wow! I really did get a lot more accomplished than I thought. My "to-do" lists have seemed unending - I hadn't really focused on the "Done" part of the list until now.

That's the recap. Tomorrow begins the Hebrew month of Elul - which is a preparation month in anticipation of Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement): a month in which we focus on how the past year has gone and what we look forward to in the year ahead.

Stay tuned!

Update - Take 2

Okay, so the last post focused on what did work. Time to be honest: what didn’t work?

::sigh::

::Deep sigh::

Ok, so I should have *KNOWN* this.

The agenda for the third session was really content-heavy. In a little more than two hours, we hoped to “cover” the following:

Direct Instruction (Teacher Centered Approach)
Learning Centers (Learner Centered Approach)
Developing Rubrics
Energizing Classroom Discussions
Cooperative Learning

Let’s take a step back for a moment:

• Our “Big Ideas” for the class included 1) teaching-as-relationships; 2) articulating and sticking to your big idea; and 3) reflective practice.
• Even as late as the day before the first class, we were uncertain how many participants there would be – ten had expressed an interest, but only four had RSVP’d at that point.
• Consequently, we fleshed out the first two sessions pretty thoroughly, including a wide variety of interactive, different-style strategies. We were less thorough in outlining the last two, largely because there’s a world of difference in what you plan for four people instead of for ten people.
• The topics listed above were fairly “interactive” by their very nature.

BIG MISTAKE

We forgot one of those core truths we know so well and espouse all the time – even while we were teaching the above topic: LECTURING DOESN’T WORK. It doesn’t work for kids; it doesn’t work for teachers; and it doesn’t work for my colleague and me. IT DOESN’T WORK. Period. Full stop.

In my/our rush to convey as much “content” as possible, we forgot that core truth.

Within three minutes of beginning my intro to Learning Centers, I knew it was going poorly …. and I knew what I should have done instead. I was explaining (instead of showing) a technique to people who had no framework to put the information into. Given that the overwhelming majority of learners are visual (60% by some accounts) instead of auditory or kinesthetic – what was I thinking of?!? I cut my presentation short… and bounced the topics back to my colleague.

Now he “does” rubrics really well and is great at cooperative learning…. but our participants weren’t with us – they’d already checked out. From a vibrant, alive, energized group the preceding week, they had become transformed into a group of unresponsive chairwarmers, who kept looking at the clock. So very sad.

And we (my colleague and I) had turned them off ALL BY OURSELVES. We cut the class short – distributed evaluations – and barely waited until they were out of the room before we debriefed. We read their evaluations of the session - they were right on key.

The question rapidly became – how do we address this next week? Keeping in mind one of our Big Ideas was that reflective practice is key to improving one’s ability to “reach and teach,” we knew that we needed to open the following class with an admission of what went wrong, taking ownership for our mistakes, AND show how to handle a class that “flumphs.”

So we did. The next week, I brought in the worksheets, instructions, center signs, support materials and check lists for two center programs I’d worked on within the last year (one for 3-5 grade students; one for a family education program). I spread the materials out on the table before the students arrived. Their eyes lit up when they walked in the room.

We began the class by saying, “We blew it last week – we talked instead of showing you. So this week, we brought in materials to show and do.” One student asked if the evaluations they filled out had indicated that there was too much talking and not enough doing. I said (honestly), “No, I knew within 5 minutes of beginning that I’d made a mistake; but your evaluations confirmed specifically what that mistake was and how to rectify it.”

They had a chance to handle materials, ask questions, see how things fit together. I reminded them that I hadn’t provided six or seven centers with multiple activities when I first began using centers. I plucked out the single art, game, and writing activities I might have used at the very beginning. Their questions clearly indicated they were engaged with the activity.

My colleague led the next exercise showing how cooperative learning can be used. He lead a “Stand-Up; Hands-Up; Pair-Up” activity and when we were done, we demonstrated how to “coach” participants into coming up with an answer (instead of telling them what the answer is) and talked about a variety of ways in which this technique could be adapted. Nodding, eager heads let us know the message had been received! We then followed up with a couple of team-building exercises (round-table where they wrote “A Love Poem to Shabbat”), and had them reflect on how they thought the activities had gone.

As a final piece of our final class – we reviewed some of the planning materials in their session folder. For each session, we had provided a folder of materials/resources that they could explore at their leisure. This final folder, however, was somewhat different in that it included a number of suggestions for planning for the year, materials they should get from their director before they start teaching, and ongoing ways to stay on top of their game during their first year.

This session was a vast improvement over the one we'd “fumphed” the week before. I’m glad we ended with this one. I never would have intentionally “fumphed” a lesson, but there was merit in showing how you can recover from a “fumph” – and also in showing that all of us “fumph” at some point or another, no matter how long we’ve been doing this.

A final note: there are some very lucky kids in our community who will have the opportunity to learn with some great adults who are committed to their own Jewish learning, and to making a difference in the lives of our Jewish kids. May they continue to go from strength to strength.

Update on the "Wanna-Be's"

So here we are, more than four weeks after the last post. The class is finished …. and how do I think it went?

First of all, a couple of corrections: Three of the eight participants were already teaching before the class began. An additional one had a job lined up for the fall. Two were considering career changes (into education) and thought this would be a way to gain information on the way to making an informed decision. The remaining two participants were interested in the topic – had not decided whether they were going to teach in congregational/supplemental schools or not.

So, how’d it go? Overall, really well – with one big “fumph” in the middle (more about that later).

My colleague and I had decided to be as interactive in our teaching as possible – our goal was to model the “how-to” as well as share the content information.


We began with a session on Mind-Mapping, as a “getting to know you” activity. After they explained their maps, we posted them in the room each time we met. I’m going to introduce this technique in a class for teens I’m teaching this fall!

Our next activity asked them to take a quiz to determine where they fell on the list of multiple intelligences – and then to work with a partner to suggest an auditory, visual, and kinesthetic activity they could incorporate in a lesson to teach a topic of their choice. The quiz was “okay” – next time we might ask them to select from a variety of activities those that are most attractive to them and get at the MI approach in that way. The A-V-K activity was enjoyable – and productive. Just need a larger board to write their responses on.

My colleague does this wonderful piece on introducing the concept of “Big Ideas,” which he defines as an over-arching idea that will guide your teaching for the year. It provides a focus, and helps ensure that activities that you choose for the class to engage in are chosen because they support the “Big Idea” – not just because they are “fun to do.” He provided a couple of different scenarios and had the participants determine a) whether there was a big idea that was apparent to them; and b) whether the activities supported the big idea. Fascinating conversation – I’m always thrilled when students see something in the material that I haven’t seen. This activity got high marks from the class. When I plan for my fall class, I’ll need to specifically articulate a “Big Idea” – what will be guiding my teaching; what do I want them to learn; what’s the relevance?


Classroom middot/values and their effect on establishing a learning environment that’s safe and respectful for all was next on the list. I could tell it was a “new” topic for many of them, not surprisingly. Many new teachers – as well as many with a lot of experience – approach classroom management issues from a “discipline” [read “punishment and rewards”] perspective. That’s never worked really well for me. I’ve found instead that respect and safety, with a gentle insistence on those two characteristics, often get me results where I spend minimal time dealing with obnoxious behaviors. I shared with the class, the list of middot I’ve shared here, as well as my earlier post on Values-Based Decision Making. After we all talked about the values on the list, I handed out three dot stickers and asked them to “spend” their dots on the three middot that they felt were crucial in their classrooms-to-be. Feedback on that exercise was very positive, both that week and subsequently. Now I’m wondering how I can integrate this activity into my teen classroom this fall. I know I can use it in the teacher training workshops I’ll be doing. But in the classroom….? Not sure – comments/suggestions would be welcome here.

One evening I brought a wide variety of resource books in – many from the ARE “Teaching….” series (now available from Behrman House); some great new publications from Torah Aura (Active Jewish Learning is my new favorite, along with the Artzeinu Teacher’s Guide). They *LOVED* the chance to browse and pull out ideas. We’ll definitely do that again.

A final piece that worked really well – my typical four-question evaluation sheet distributed at the end of every class:

1. What one thing did you learn during this session?
2. What did you think worked particularly well?
3. What needs to be improved next time?
4. Other comments:

Not only did it help them begin the reflective process – it provided us with the necessary information when things didn’t go well….. More about that in my next posting!

Changes in How I Teach About Israel

these comments are from a report I recently gave to my Israel Educators Institute group, on the changes I've made in the last 6 six year in how I teach about Israel

Upon reflection, it’s evident to me that the role of Israel in the programming I do has changed significantly since I began directing at Oseh Shalom in 2002. The quality and frequency of programming has increased markedly in the last year, attributable to both this program [Israel Educators Institute] and my involvement with Mitzvah Heroes Fund.

What have I learned about successful programming?

• Some aspect of Israeli life can be incorporated into many of the programs I do. It’s not necessary for a “stand alone” program to raise Israel awareness.
• The connection needs to be relevant to the topic at hand.
• Target audiences seem to relate best to stories about individuals – ie, the relationship aspect.
• They are frequently eager to find points of commonality with Israel and Israelis.
• There are a wealth of resources available, once one begins to figure out where and how to look for them (see some suggestions below).
• Powerpoints using up-to-date graphics, photographs and illustrations carry more impact than dated videos or movies, or sepia-toned photographs.

Beginning List of Resources

The Home Page for Israel21c. Click on “links” for access to websites in 16 different topic areas.

Deviant Art for photographs about Israel. Type “Israel” in the search box. You may add filters (such as “flora,” “Tel Aviv,” or “camels”) to narrow the results.

Artzeinu: An Israel Encounter Teacher’s Guide has a wealth of information, as well as internet sites for additional information, pictures, videos, etc.

The Arava Institute for Environmental Studies (AIES) is a regional center for environmental leadership. By encouraging environmental cooperation between peoples, the Arava Institute is working towards peace and sustainable development regionally and globally.

Among other features of this Kibbutz Ketura website is a “virtual tour” of the Kibbutz. Click on “interactive map” for more information.

For sources to identify Israeli needs for tzedakah to weave into your program: Mitzvah Heroes Fund, Inc.

How has your programming/teaching about Israel changed in the last few years?

Lev B'Lev - Reflections

So, ultimately, the questions remain:
What worked?
What didn’t?
What should we do differently next time?

What worked:

• The key concepts made sense, hung together, and worked
• Having someone help by reviewing the materials for teachers prior to distribution
• The instant lesson from Torah Aura on “Rambam’s Rungs”
• Involving congregational school kids AND day school kids in a morning of learning
• Asking participating schools to plan to arrive between 9:45 and 10:00, so the program could begin promptly at 10:00
• Assigning students to groups prior to arrival
• Having extra name labels on hand
• Identifying good presenters for the topics
• Giving presenters a “two minute warning” before the end of their sessions.
• Little time lost in transitions
• Having envelopes with labels ready to go for tzedakah allocations
• Literature to go home was distributed at the end of the program, counted and in pre-labeled bags by school.

What didn't work as well:

• The arrival was chaotic, especially for schools who traveled by carpool.
• Some of the adult chaperones felt the groups were too large
• Some felt the hallways were too crowded during the transitions.
• One teacher said she could have used the teaching materials earlier in the year.
• We scrambled for presenters at the last minute.
• The microphone on stage didn’t work.

What we will do differently next year:

• Begin to identify presenters in the fall, as soon as we have a date on the calendar.
• Distribute teaching materials in September, so the teachers have adequate time to integrate the materials into their teaching. (This year, there were only three Sunday sessions between the time I distributed the materials and the morning of the program.)
• Order materials over the summer, so they are ready to go in the fall.
• Designate the gym as the gathering/arrival place – and get the sign-in sheets to security from the gym instead of at the door.
• Plan for 12 presenters and 12 rooms (instead of 8 and 8) – that will allow for smaller, more interactive groups and less crowding in the hallway at transition times.
• Plan a better (stronger) intro session. Continue to use Debbie Friedman’s song – or find a different one? Begin with a brachah/blessing?
• Make sure chaperones know about the on-line evaluation survey.
• Design a paper/pencil survey for the kids?
• Design an evaluation piece for the presenters?

Overall, feedback on the program, presenters, and content has been very positive. But, as always, there’s room to tweak it and make it even better next year!

Pearls from Pain

a drash

Several weeks ago, our congregation had its annual “Disability Awareness Shabbat.” Instead of a specific d’var torah/”words on the torah” (aka “sermon”), a congregant gave a drash/teaching on her experience as the parent of a child with multiple disabilities. Her children are about the same age as ours (mid- to late-twenties) and I’ve known her “somewhat” since we were much younger parents.

She spoke about the journey that she and her husband have been on since her child which diagnosed within a couple of weeks after birth with viral encephalitis – and the changes resulting from it: cognitively and physically.

She spoke eloquently about the grieving process that she and her husband went through:

The inevitable questions of how and why this could have happened as well as the anger and sadness took time to work through. Any person who has ever experienced a loss understands these emotions and can appreciate what it takes to deal with these feelings. Fortunately, we had a strong relationship and we understood the importance of finding something positive in dealing with this life altering experience. We also understood that our attitude towards our child would influence our [other] children’s attitude as well.

She spoke about the caring people along their journey who supported them; people who cared for their child and chose to establish their own relationship with him.

Even though there have been many caring people and her child – now an adult – has been able to have a quality of life surpassing that which was originally projected, my friend admitted:

All this being said, having a child like ours does not diminish the challenge and sometimes isolation we feel as parents. We have developed some wonderful friendships with other families who parent a child with special needs. It is within this community that we can share our experiences and know that we are not alone and can help one another.

She ends her drash by quoting from My Grandfather’s Blessings by Dr Naomi Reden.

In her book, she describes an oyster as being soft, tender, and vulnerable. Without the sanctuary of its shell it could not survive. But oysters must open their shells in order to “breathe” water. Sometimes while an oyster is breathing, a grain of sand will enter its shell and become a part of its life from then on.

Such grains of sand cause pain, but an oyster does not alter its soft nature because of this. It does not become hard and leathery in order not to feel. It continues to entrust itself to the ocean, to open and breathe in order to live. But it does respond. Slowly and patiently, the oyster wraps the grain of sand in thin translucent layers until, over time, it has created something of great value in the place where it is most vulnerable to its pain. A pearl might be thought of as an oyster’s response to its suffering. Not every oyster can do this. Oysters that do are more valuable to people than oysters that do not.

Sand is a way of life for an oyster. If you are soft and tender and must live on the sandy floor of the ocean, making pearls becomes a necessity if you are to live well.

She ends with her own bit of wisdom:

Disappointment and loss are a part of every life. Many times we can put such things behind us and get on with the rest of our lives. But not everything is amendable to this approach. Some things are too big or too deep to do this, and we will have to leave important parts of ourselves behind if we treat them in this way. These are the places where wisdom begins to grow in us. It begins with suffering that we do not avoid or rationalize or put behind us. It starts with the realization that our loss, whatever it is, has become a part of us and has altered our lives so profoundly that we cannot go back to the way it was before.

Something in us can transform such suffering into wisdom. The process of turning pain into wisdom often looks like a sorting process. First we experience everything. Then one by one we let things go, the anger, the blame, the sense of injustice, and finally even the pain itself, until all we have left is a deeper sense of the value of life and a greater capacity to live it.

It is with this thought that I believe our child has become my pearl.

I learned a lot that morning, listening to my friend share her pearls of wisdom with all of us. I especially like the acknowledgement that it's not always possible to "put it behind me and move on."... that feelings need to be experienced honestly before one can begin to let them go. And yet, over time, it is possible to value and life life more deeply and completely.

Wow.

"Tricks of the Trade"

I tend to be a little compulsive when it comes to organizing materials for a specific program - especially if it's the first time I've worked with a group of people. Obviously, I want to put my best foot forward. While I can't control all the things that might come up, the more organized I am before I walk through the door, the fewer the "glitches" are which seem to occur with any program.

So where do I start?

I begin with the web format I discussed in my previous posting. Once I have two or three ideas listed in each content/modality area which pertain to the topic, I look at the whole program to determine both the flow of the program and its integrity – does it fit together? Does it make sense? Have I included enough different angles or perspectives from which participants can approach the topic? Once I’m satisfied with the answers to these questions, in short order I

• determine space needs within the facility limitations
• pull together a draft agenda
• prepare center signs: I like to use a specific graphic relating to each center, and (when possible) a different type face.

During this stage, the program is still pretty fluid. Facility limitations often cause ideas to be reworked or eliminated. It’s hard, for example, to do a relay race if there’s insufficient space! “Facilities” also includes equipment: do we have access to a DVD player, a microphone, a sink? If not, can we adapt the activity or do we need to come up with a substitute? Sometimes the absence of someone with a specific talent also results in reworking or eliminating certain activities. Oftentimes I can rework an activity so that specialists are not necessary – or if they are available, I’ll rework the activity to take advantage of their expertise.

After the brainstorming and dealing with the big questions, I look at each area in turn to decide what this specific center needs in order for these specific activities to work easily.

In the Israel Center of the Tu B’Shevat program I just facilitated, for example, I decided on two activities: Make-your-own Hebrew weather flashcards AND Learn about the Arava Institute

Both good ideas, yes?

Both had barriers to overcome:

Many adults in the community are not fluent in Hebrew; much of the Hebrew language instruction in the School is oral, not written. Barrier: few people knew the Hebrew for the weather words; few can read the Hebrew; and few can write the words on the index cards. Solution: Labels were used to make the flash cards. Each label had a Hebrew word, the transliteration, and the English meaning. A poster was prepared that showed the same information next to an illustration of the word. Participants were encouraged to select the words they wanted, attach the label to an index card, and illustrate the meaning of the word in a way that made sense to them.

Barrier: One of the teachers of older children suggested this activity would probably bore her students. Solution: She suggested they be encouraged to write brief stories for younger students, incorporating the Hebrew vocabulary appropriately.

Barrier: Given the short amount of time to prepare, we had difficulty obtaining written material about the Arava Institute (our fault – not theirs!). Solution: One of the teachers suggested using their website to convey information. Barrier: the program was held in a rented facility without internet access. Solution: Using the graphics and copy available from the website, we produced Powerpoint that we were able to run on a laptop.

[You'll notice, I hope, that at this stage we actually increased the number of activities from two to three to address the potentially "it's too easy/boring" reaction of older students. The teacher provided good feedback and being open to what she offered prevented problems down the road.]

Once we were able to find solutions to the barriers, we began to prepare the following:

• A flyer that contained a list of activities participants could choose to engage in
• A supplies list (index cards, labels, markers, writing paper, pens/pencils, poster, powerpoint, laptop, extension cord, and a tzedakah box – since the Arava Institute was the tzedakah beneficiary that morning).
• Directions for the teacher who was stationed at the center

We decided who would be responsible for getting which supplies. I emailed the directions to the school director and asked her to forward them to her staff with a request for feedback. (At some of the centers, I prepared samples and step-by-step instructions for the teachers to follow.)

I repeated this process for each of the different centers, as well as for the take-home materials.

Once the draft schedule was approved and centers were assigned to each space, I printed the agenda, the evaluation forms (see my previous post), two posters containing the entire list of activities by center, and flyers to be placed outside each room so people would know they were in the right place. Using a different graphic and type face for each center was a visual aid that allowed people to find their destination quickly when it was time to change activities.

I had prepared a master list by center of all the supplies and materials needed. As I gathered them, they were placed in a large zipper storage bag (like Ziploc or Glad bags), with the center sign visible. After I bagged the material for each center, I crossed it off my master list, zipped the bag shut AND didn't open the bag again. (I've learned - the hard way - that this is the only way I can ensure that I don't remove something, forget to return it, and find myself without a critical piece when I get to the program site!)

I always plan to get there at least ten minutes before I can get in to set up. That gives me the opportunity to take a deep breath and R-E-L-A-X.

It's not possible to foresee every eventuality or avoid every crisis, but attention to the details in the planning goes a long way!

Mid-Year Reflections

Six months ago, I engaged in reflective practice at the end of my first year as a “Jewish Educational Consultant.” At that time, I articulated some things I would “do differently” in this coming year. It’s worth taking a mid-year look and see how things stand at the mid-point of the year. Let’s see now:

I’ve decided to build in structured time to stay on top of the logistics involved in running a business. 9 AM on Monday mornings didn’t work. Well I structured a different time and day in, but I’m still not REALLY doing this. Time to think about new options:

• maybe asking a friend to help with the accounting piece (?Do I really want someone else getting in to my financial stuff? What would be the emotional cost of having a friend involved?)
• maybe working with an acquaintance who’s a life counselor (?Maybe I need to be accountable – sorry for the pun – to someone else?);
• maybe just quit messing around and do it?

On the positive side, I’ve set up a separate calendar on my PDA for invoicing purposes; all my receipts are in one drawer (even if they’re not entered into Quicken), and I’ve learned to cross reference invoices and checks received.

I’ll set up a process for new clients, so I can track whether I’ve opened a file or begun a project without forgetting any details. I’ve made some (small) progress here by setting up separate “binders” in my OneNote program – it enables me to save notes from phone calls, emails and download research directly from the Internet and save it.

I’ll revise the curriculum and materials for the long-term teacher training classes I’m running AND have them ready to go before the first class. DONE! – but the classes were cancelled because we didn’t have the enrollment the grantor required.

I’ll review and assess the format I use in other workshops, in order to model how one can teach to different learning styles. I’ve begun to do this – repackaging some of the workshops I’ve done in the past; using some new technology. It's actually been kind of fun!

I’ll look for a few other consultants here in the area to network with on a regular basis – for support, brainstorming, and collegiality. This I HAVE done – I’m now meeting/talking semi-regularly with three separate colleagues. It’s good to be able to bounce ideas around and to get energized when I hear what others are doing.

I’ll update and expand my website to more accurately reflect Morah Mary Consulting. I did revise the website this summer and even signed up for a search engine enhancement… BUT I didn’t follow through with the suggestions resulting from the analysis. It’s on my to-do list for this winter break.

Okay – what are some other things I’ve been involved in that weren’t on that list:

Pro-bono work – I’m working with a group that was in a period of crisis this summer, guiding them through the process of visioning and then articulating what they’re looking for in a new director.

Tzedakah work – As a co-director of Mitzvah Heroes Fund, we’ve watched our Fund collect and distribute over $30,000 in less than 9 months. We’re well on our way to getting our IRS 501(c)(3) status approved. In the last week, with a co-director, we’ve presented programs to two separate groups in this area.

Personal – as a personal tzedakah project, I knit scarves for homeless men and women who are sheltered by an interfaith group of religious institutions in Howard and Prince George’s counties in Maryland. One of the participating institutions is Oseh Shalom, where I worked for four years. It’s been my custom to knit scarves for the guests to have during the weeks they are housed at Oseh. So far, I’ve completed 18 men’s scarves and 3 women’s scarves. My goal is 2 dozen men’s scarves and 18 women’s scarves. The first guests will arrive at Oseh at the end of January. I’ve got a little time left – but not too much!

Personal study – With a friend and fellow-congregant, I’m co-chairing the weekly Torah study sessions at our synagogue, Tikvat Israel. Our primary job is to organize things so that each week someone leads the discussion on the Torah portion. It’s been fun…. but I’m thinking maybe it’s time for me to volunteer to lead another session – I haven’t done that since before Rosh Hashanah.

More reflection later – I’m “reflected out” right now!

Shabbat shalom.

On a High

I’m ending the week on a high…educationally speaking.

With a colleague, I’ve been facilitating/teaching a group of 15 for-the-most-part beginning religious school teachers.

We’ve met five times since the September, for slightly less than two hours each time. We’re a diverse group – some younger, some older; some still in college, many working first jobs; some Israeli, some Americans; some working with early childhood students, some with older students.

My colleague and I have tried to expose them to a variety of topics. We’ve tried to make our sessions interactive, modeling our belief that all teachers need to teach to a variety of learning styles. (Sometimes we've been more successful than others!) The topics we’ve touched on include the following:

• Jewish identification
• Challenges and Opportunities in Supplemental Education
• Jewish Values Guiding Our Teaching
• Multiple Intelligences
• Big Ideas/Goals/Objectives/Learning Activities
• Working in Small Groups
• Auditory/Visual/Kinesthetic Learning Styles
• Gender Bias
• Centers and Center-Type Activities
• Graphic Organizers
• Cooperative Learning Techniques
• Strategies to Build Energy in the Classroom
• Classroom Management “On One Foot”

All of which have been undergirded by reflective practice – what worked and why? What didn’t work and why not? What should we change next time?

This past week, participants in the course began to “present” – sharing a 20 minute lesson they’d taught recently. The assignment outline asked

1. how the lesson fit with the “Big Idea” for their class this year;
2. strategies they used;
3. complications they encountered;
4. evidence of learning – how they knew the students learned what they taught;
5. their assessment of the lesson; and
6. what they would change next time.

In a little more than an hour, seven participants shared their lessons with the rest of the group. My colleague and I kept our comments to a minimum and invited the rest of the group to ask questions of the presenters and comment on what they had heard.

Later that week – we kvelled.

What we heard were participants who demonstrated their clear understanding of key concepts: big idea, goals, different learning strategies, assessment of student learning, and assessment of their own experience.

What we heard were colleagues who were supportive and encouraging – not afraid to compliment or to question.

What we heard were participants who are so student-focused already that they were able to adapt the plan to fit unanticipated changes.

What we heard were colleagues who are able to show how their teaching builds on the teaching done by another participant.

What we saw were participants whose eyes lit up as they talked about key values and their students.

What we saw were eyes seeking out colleagues when participants were urged to “identify someone you work with who can help you brainstorm” when specific situations would occur.

What we saw are teachers who can laugh at themselves and genuinely funny things that happen when they work together or with students.

What we know is that this group of people is now

a) a community
b) a community of learners
c) a community of learners who will pass that love of community and learning on to their students.

Is it any wonder I’m on a “high” today?

Shabbat shalom.

Quick Note

Still swamped and tried to dig out and settle into a routine. Hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later, and I'll be able to blog again more regularly.

In the meantime, here's an inspirational blog for parents and teachers about meeting our kids where they're "at" instead of trying to push out kids that are all equally adept at the same things.

From Raising Small Souls, here's why differentiation is critical.

Enjoy!

An Invitation

As we begin a new year, I'd like to shift our direction slightly.

I'd like to invite you to make comments on what what I post, to add your own suggestions and insights, to help change this into a "virtual community."

Here's a starting point: do you have any suggestions that you've found to make your beginnings with your students easier? Is there something you ALWAYS do? Or something that you'll never do again? I'm eager to hear!

Let's learn together....

The Actors

Written two years ago...after a local education day

Yesterday, I got to teach Sam again.

At a local educators’ day, I was standing outside the door, waiting for teachers to filter in when a young man approached me. “Morah Mary,” he said, “do you remember me? You taught me in third grade and now I’m back to learn from you again.”

Do you remember me? “Of course, I remember you,” I replied as my eyes filled with tears.

I remember one day early in the school year, after class I complimented you on your high participation and the quality of questions you asked. You grimaced and said, “But you really shouldn’t compliment me: I didn’t want to come today. My Mom made me.” I remember writing you a note that evening and explaining that although Mom may have “made” you come to class, Mom wasn’t in our room and she didn’t “make” you walk in with a smile…she didn’t “make” you raise your hand…. she didn’t “make” you help the kid seated next to you…..

I remember that you were part of a group of six friends who thought the best part of religious school was the chance to see your friends and get caught up on each others’ lives. What you had to share with each other was infinitely more interesting than what I could teach. At a parent/student meeting to brainstorm solutions, I remember wryly responding to a parent, “Putting one in each corner of the room might work, but my classroom has only four corners….” After that meeting, you were the student who came up to me to apologize for being thoughtless and disrespectful, and you vowed to improve.

I remember your face when we’d talk about how what we were learning connected with our daily lives – and the way your face would light up when you were able to make a personal connection.

I remember the questions you asked – thoughtful, provocative, eager to put the pieces together.

And I remember the last day of class. You weren’t there. I was so disappointed. I wanted to say goodbye – to find a private moment to let you know how privileged I felt to have had you in my class that year.

Five minutes after class, you and your Mom walked in. You were obviously distraught. Mom explained that you hadn’t wanted to say goodbye, but realized that you had to. We spoke for a moment – you looked at me with your soul in your eyes. I took your hand and remember saying, “Some day, Sam, you’ll be a religious school teacher too – and you’ll be blessed with students just like you.”

What I learned from Sam those many years ago was a simple, critical lesson. I shared it with him and his colleagues in the workshop I taught yesterday – in order to be “master teachers,” we must let our students touch our hearts and be willing to touch theirs in return.

Yesterday I got to teach Sam again – and he got to teach me. Baruch haShem – my life has been blessed!

The Script

Even though I’ve likened teaching to improv. theater – you still need a script. Some days you’ll be able to follow it fairly closely. Some days, there’ll be a detour along the way. Other days, you may as well throw it out the window and go for the “teachable moment.”

I’ve known some teachers who rarely prepare a lesson, insisting that they know their content well enough that they can “wing it.” I’ve never yet met one who is as successful as s/he thinks at doing that. The kids get the short end of the stick when teachers don’t prepare. Somehow, that doesn’t seem fair to me.

So what should your lesson plan consist of? Let’s start with some general questions:

• What’s the “big idea” that you want to teach…. this year? … this unit? …this lesson? [Enduring understandings]
• What should the students be able to do at the end of the lesson? [Objectives]
• How will you know that can attain those objectives? [Assessment]
• What strategies will you employ to get there? [Remember that students learn best in a variety of ways (auditory, visual & kinesthetic)]
• What materials will you need to use? [texts, videos, web info, flashcards, journals, guest speakers/demos]
• How many of your strategies will allow students to interact directly with the materials? [The greater the interaction, the greater the engagement. Learning is not a spectator sport.]
• In what order will you present the information? [Look for flow and natural segue ways]
• How much time will you need for each component? [Remember to allow for set up, transition and clean up times]
• What will your madrich/madrichah (aide) be doing in order to help students reach your instructional objectives?
• Before students leave, what opportunities will you provide for them to reflect on their learning for the day?

And finally, you’ll need to provide for your own reflection time. Here we go back to my big three questions (with which I began this blog in June, 2008):

1. What worked – and why?
2. What didn’t work – and why not?
3. What will I do differently next time?

Saturday's "Time Out"

It was an interesting Saturday…. wherever I looked, it seemed as if there were lessons to be gathered.

I became reacquainted with an old friend – a delightful book by Phillip Done entitled 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny. If you’ve ever taught early elementary (oh, perhaps up to fourth grade), there’s nothing in this book that you haven’t heard at least once! What a true ear Done has for the authentic dialogue and rip-roaring humor that catches a teacher off-guard when s/he least expects it. It’s a joyful book and reminds me – again – why I work with kids.

Saturday night, my husband and I had the pleasure of attending a house concert sponsored by a friend of ours. The guest artist was Steve Eulberg, who delighted us with his instrumental and vocal compositions. Steve played guitar, mountain dulcimers and – a real treat – a hammered dulcimer with tones so rich they resonated in your mind long after the strings stopped vibrating. Two of Steve’s songs spoke to me.

He opened the evening with a tune called “A Ship May Be Safe.”

A ship may be safe in a harbor/at anchor close to the shore;
yeah, a ship may be safe in a harbor / but that ain’t what ships were made for.

Ships were made for sailin’ across the high seas
More ships and sailors rot in the port
than ever are drowned in the sea. (2x)

Made me think: how often do I go for the safe and predictable instead of being willing to try something new? Change doesn’t come without risk – but without change and growth, we (I) atrophy.


And later Steve and our host sang a wonderful song entitled “We Are An Answer to Prayer” which addresses the question: what if our prayers to survive the current struggles actually send our descendants into the future to pull us through? The harmony was exquisite – the words provocative. It reminded me of Doug Cotler’s song (Standing on the Shoulders) with the phrase “I’m standing on the shoulders of the ones who came before me.”

Both Steve’s song and Doug’s evoke the sense of interconnectedness – l’dor v’dor/from generation to generation.

The torah of Phillip Done and Steve Eulberg challenged me, refreshed me – and brought a sense of wonder and gratitude into my life. What a wonderful Shabbat!

Jewish Values for VBDM

One of the initial challenges for me in Values-Based Decision Making (VBDM) was that I frequently considered only a few values. Obviously, they were the ones I was most familiar with.

When my Rabbinic colleague began to teach me this process, I shared that dilemma with him. He generously shared a list of Jewish Values and Concepts that he had compiled. While it doesn't include all 614 mitzvot / commandments -- it's an excellent beginning.

Personally, I also found it helpful to use the Hebrew names for the mitzvot and middot / values. If you've ever studied a foreign language, you know that concepts don't always have an exact equivalent from one language to another. Using the Hebrew reminds me of two things:

1. The translation may not be exact and often needs explanation
2. VBDM is sacred work.

Values-Based Decision Making has taught me to mindfully make decisions which hopefully end up benefitting my community. Interestingly enough, sometime the end result is not the same solution I would have reached if I followed my first instinct.

[NOTE: if the link gives you problems, here's the roundabout way to get the list:

1. Go to my website -- http://www.morahmaryconsulting.com/
2. Click on "Links to Learning"
3. Scroll down to Jewish Values
4. Click on the embedded link and the file should pop up. If not, please let me know]

Values Based Decision Making

Decisions: we make them all the time.

Some are relatively straightforward and take little deliberation to arrive at an appropriate response.

As teachers: May I go to the bathroom? * Can I do the art project first? * Can Josh and I work together?

As directors: Can you buy this CD for my class? * Do I have to attend the workshop next week? *Can I have an extension on the due date for the report cards?

Others issues are more complex.

For teachers: Classroom behavioral issues that impede the learning process * Whether to take advantage of “the teachable moment” – and if so, how – or to stick with the planned lesson and objectives * How to balance individual student needs with the needs of the entire class

For directors: Instituting a new policy or procedure * Addressing school-wide (program-wide) behavioral issues * Allocation of scarce resources * Staffing decisions

When I was a school director, I was blessed to be able to work with a rabbi who was gifted in the use of values-based decision making for those “big questions.” Not only did he use that approach in guiding his own decision-making procedures, but he also taught me to intentionally use the same approach.

It becomes complicated since, in many cases, competing values are often involved. Frequently, the process gets short-circuited because we stop at the first value we consider -- the one that's most obvious to us. In a nutshell, the approach I learned from my rabbinic colleague works like this:

1. Define the issue
2. Get as much information as possible.
3. List the values that are involved – as many as you can. If necessary, refresh your memory by looking at a list of Jewish values.
4. Determine how each value will impact the outcome.
5. Decide which values carry the most weight in this specific situation.
6. Make your decision and share that decision with the individuals/constituency/community that the decision affects, acknowledging the process you engaged in to reach your decision.

I’ve found this very difficult to do in isolation. I need to be able to bounce ideas off a trusted colleague, co-worker, mentor, rabbi, or consultant – depending on the individual situation. These people, over time, have become my “kitchen cabinet” – my behind-the-scenes resources whose collective insights provide me with the wide range of perspectives necessary to make the best decision I can. I’ve learned to be grateful for the advice they provide – and to be willing to take the time to be part of their “kitchen cabinets.” It’s mutually sustaining and benefits the students and teachers we individually work with.

Many communities use VBDM in making communal decisions. Many Reconstructionist communities use it explicitly. When I typed “values based decision making” into the Yahoo search engine, there were only three Jewish references that appeared in the first 20 entries on the list that popped up. The first two are from the Chapel Hill Kehillah in North Carolina. Kol HaKavod (“All the Honor”) to Chapel Hill Kehillah and their leadership, some of whom I’ve had the privilege of working with on Jewish educational issues. For a clear example of the way they use their process, I urge you to check out their link on Values Based Decision Making.

(The other entry is from the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College, in an article entitled "A Chaplain's Guide to Values-Based Decision Making" by Rabbi David A. Tuetsch, which is also cited as a source by the CHK).

It's not an automatic, easy-to-use process when one first begins. If it was, we'd all be making decisions this way, wouldn't we? But the benefit is profound -- both to us as individuals and to those with whom we work.

May It Be My Custom

I’m feeling a little unsettled these days, trying to figure out my role in a number of changes that are occurring.

Typically, feeling unsettled leads me to this prayer, often used as a meditation during Yotzer Or, part of the Shabbat morning service. Frequently, it helps me feel balanced, and centered.

Master of the Universe
Grant me the ability to be alone;
May it be my custom to go outdoors each day
Among the trees and grass, among all living things.
And there may I be alone, and enter into prayer,
To talk with the one to whom I belong.

May I express there everything in my heart,
And may all the foliage of the field
(All grasses, trees, and plants)
May they all awake at my coming,
To send the powers of their life into the words of my prayer
So that my prayer and speech are made whole
Through the life and the spirit of all growing things,
Which are made as one by their transcendent source.
by Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav (1722-1811)

A deep, cleansing breath – a glance outside at the sky and the tree branches brushing against my window – and watching the squirrels jump from branch to branch.

The connection helps calm my thoughts and release the tension from my back and neck.

May it be my custom to go outdoors each day
Among the trees and grass, among all living things.
And there may I be alone, and enter into prayer,
To talk with the one to whom I belong.

It helps put my "stuff" into perspective.