Shabbat Yitro

A friend gave the d’var Torah this past week on the parshah Yitro/ Jethro. He made a number of good points. There were two that really resonated with me.

The context for the first was Yitro’s arrival at Moses’ tent. Moses was occupied with settling all the disagreements between the Israelites. Yitro – his father-in-law – arrives and sees Moses’ exhaustion and also the trouble brewing while the Israelites are waiting in line (in the heat) to speak to Moses. He offers Moses some unsolicited advice, which involves establishing a process in which disagreements are settled by judges appointed by Moses, with only those issues that cannot be resolved ultimately making their way through an appeals process to Moses.

My friend comments:

I believe there are a number of aspects in the way that Jethro counseled Moses that allowed Moses to make the right decision.

The first thing that Jethro did was to let Moses know he was advising him out of a sense of concern for Moses, his daughter and grandchildren and for all the people of Israel. Sometimes, when we are offered advice by others, we can become suspicious of their motives. Jethro never suggests that he should take on some of the burden off of Moses’ shoulders. Jethro doesn’t nominate himself or anyone else by name to fill the role of a judge.

Jethro never questions his son-in-law’s wisdom or his leadership abilities. Often, when we are given unsolicited advice, we can become defensive and look upon the advice offered as criticism.

Jethro tells his son-in-law that he should follow his advice only if G-d commands him to. Jethro understood that Moses had a very special relationship with G-d and that anything that Moses did or said was done with the guidance of G-d.

His comments made me wonder if I am as respectful when I offer unsolicited advice.

The second point my friend made discusses the juxtaposition in this parsha of Yitro offering unsolicted advice and the Israelites receiving the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai.

He finishes his d'var Torah by saying:

To me, the one word that best sums up what happened at Mount Sinai is the word “miracle”. The transmission of the Ten Commandments not only changed the lives of all those who were physically there to witness it, not only did it have an impact on later generations of Jews that cannot be over-stated but it also represents one of the most important events in all of human history.

So, why is this incredible moment in the history of our people preceded by something as seemingly ordinary as a father-in-law offering advice to his son-in-law? I believe that the Torah is teaching us that we, as people, help to make miracles possible, in part, when we offer to help one another.

In other words, while G-d is entirely responsible for the miracles we read about in the Torah and for the miracles we have witnessed in every generation since then, we as humans are responsible for maintaining a world that is conducive to G-d’s miracles and blessings.

We are responsible for maintaining a world that is conducive to miracles and blessings. It's a powerful (and empowering) concept.

Shauvah tov - a good week.

Torah Study on Shabbat Bo

I'm facilitating the weekly Torah Study session at Tikvat Israel this coming Shabbat. Here's an excerpt from what I'm planning:

A number of the commentators mentioned that this week’s selection includes the first mitzvot – commandments – that the Israelites received. Many focused on the new year – and compared it or contrasted it with the observance of Rosh Hashanah. Rabbi Ari Kahn from Aish adds another dimension to that discussion:

But there is more to this passage that makes it unique. For one, we might ask: Why was this the first commandment? Surely God had at least 613 other choices. Furthermore, why was this Commandment given in the land of Egypt? Why couldn't the Jews wait until Sinai?

[snip]

Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, Zat"zal, explained why this commandment was given here, and now. The Jews in Egypt were slaves, and therefore lacked a sense of time. They needed to acquire a sense of time in order to be truly liberated, transformed from objects to independent people.

The last sentence is key. It is our ability to delineate time which gives us both the freedom and the responsibility to carve out meaningful lives for ourselves.

Jewish time is an interesting phenomenon: it’s both abstract and concrete. It’s concrete because it’s based on the cycles of the moon – the waxing and waning that occurs every month, on a predictable pattern. It’s abstract in that the days begin and end at different times, depending on the season and the latitude at which one lives. And it’s just plain confusing when we acknowledge that our days begin at sundown the night before. But even those abstract and confusing factors are abstract and confusing only because we spend much of our lives removed from the concreteness of the natural world in which we live.

The parshah goes on to specifically articulate the requirements for observing the Feast of Unleavened Bread. The verses outline when the holiday is to be celebrated, how it is to be observed, what work is permissible and what is not, and repeats three times that the Festival of Unleavened Bread shall be observed “as an institution for all time.” This specificity is in contrast to the more general directions of “observing and keeping holy” the Shabbat and refraining from all work. (Exodus 20:8-10).

Finally, I came across a commentary that helped me pull these disparate thoughts together:

Rabbi Stephen Baars, also on the Aish website, writes:

We Are What We Do
Sociology proclaims man to be a product of his environment. Judaism says man is a product of his actions.In this week's Parsha, there are 16 separate mitzvot concerning the Pesach holiday alone. All seem to have a similar purpose - to commemorate the Exodus from Egypt.

But the "Sefer HaChinuch" (14th century "Book of Mitzvah Education") deals with the Torah's seeming redundancy by clarifying a fundamental principle of Judaism... and indeed of life itself: "You should know that a person is influenced in accordance with his actions. His heart and all his thoughts are always drawn after the deeds in which he is occupied, whether they are good or bad."

Rabbi Bars continues:

Our nature, character, mood, disposition, temperament, attitude, and sensitivities are formed by our day-to-day activities. Of course, this "shaping" of our nature is not just affected by the actual actions of our job. It is also affected by what we do the remainder of the day as well! What books we read, if we exercise, how we drive, talk, eat... Every single action, in some very real way, affects the kind of person we are... just as the act of theft is what makes the criminal.

No action is irrelevant. They all change who we are, pulling the strings and levers of our emotions and thoughts. On some imperceptible level, every miniscule action affects different aspects of our nature - from our self-confidence to our peace of mind.

The influence of most actions are difficult (if not impossible) to detect. But anyone who cares about their character will investigate carefully the various values and influences of his actions.

Don't go through life unaware of how you are changing yourself. Start now on a course of self-awareness. Before you do any action, ask, "How will this affect me?" And after the action, ask again, "How did this affect me?"

These questions may not be easy, but they are entirely worthwhile. Because the one who practices them consistently will be, without a doubt, a more thinking, conscious and conscientious human being.

Ultimately, it may well be that it is this awareness, or mindfulness, of which Rabbi Bars writes which guides how well we integrate our Jewish time and our secular time.

Shabbat shalom.

Busy, Busy, Busy

It's been a busy couple of weeks since I posted last. Here are some of the highlights:

• There was a brief flurry of responses to getting our (Mitzvah Heroes Fund, Inc.) IRS approval as a 501(c)(3)...... I still need to get donation acknowledgements mailed out!
• I did a workshop for a colleague on "Strategies for Teaching Students Who Learn Differently." It was great to be there with them, but our time was abridged and I didn't do such a great job of abbreviating my agenda, "while standing on one foot." I need to do some pre-emptive thinking for future workshops: What will I leave out if our time runs short?
• I'm preparing a teaching session for a local day school on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to teach about individuals who found themselves in the unanticipated position of protesting behavior, and whose actions caused significant change. Jewish values: b'tzelem elohim (all are created in the image of God) and ometz lev (courage of the heart). Add those thoughts to Margaret Mead's Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has and perhaps you'll see where I'm going!
• I'm working on a workshop for this coming Sunday for a colleague on "Working with Parents." As I blogged earlier, Joel Lurie Grishaver's Working with Parents: A Teacher's Guide (Torah Aura, 1997) has been an invaluable resource for this type of workshop over the years. Carol Oseran Starin's Let Me Count the Ways, Vol 2 (again, Torah Aura, 2006) has some wonderful suggestions on how to deal with those particularly difficult parents we seem to encounter occasionally.
• I'm also working on a regional program for fifth graders on tzedakah, called "Lev B'Lev /Heart to Heart".... doing the research to come up with the lessons so the teachers can set the stage with their students before our March program.
• I'm planning a workshop with another colleague later this month on working with madrichim/teen aides....
• With the resumption of classes after winter break, I've resumed my role as on-site midweek administrator for a local school ... and found myself testing Hebrew decoding yesterday! (Those of you who know me know that Hebrew language is NOT necessarily my strongest skill!!) But I was able to do the testing.... and more importantly, identify the areas of weakness.... and even still more importantly, propose a course of study/review for the students that need it. WOW - who would've thought?
• I've begun to prep for a Family Tu B'shevat program in early February - we'll focus on bal tashchit (do not destroy) and shomrei adamah (guardianship of the earth).... I'm reading lots of blogs, doing lots of online research and beginning to map out a program that will be sufficiently substantive and engaging for kids and adults.
• And I'm continuing to pull research and ideas together for a school I'm working with that has some children who present rather unique challenges... this one is going a little more slowly than anticipated.

And, in the meantime.... my mother's health is deteriorating rapidly and we're beginning to face some end-of-life issues and feelings.... a friend's daughter's been in and out of the hospital for medical stuff they're having trouble identifying... and my daughter had a week to leave a month early on her BirthRight trip to Israel! Instead of leaving in early February, she left yesterday.... you should have seen the scurrying in this house the last seven days. "Shabbat in Jerusalem twice, Mom" was her mantra.

So, like everyone else, things have been busy.

But this weekend, I'm taking a break and spending Shabbat on retreat with friends from a congregation where I worked for several years. The weather forecast is for frigid weather, but I've been assured I don't have to leave the lodge at all.... so I'm game! Good friends, good conversation, some quality davening /prayer, set in a place where I'll have no cell phone reception -- what could be better??

Shabbat shalom.

Mitzvah Heroes Fund

What an exciting day yesterday was: after nine months of waiting and following up, The Mitzvah Heroes Fund received its final 501(c) (3) status from the IRS. All donations from the past as well as from this time forward are now fully deductible - we are now a designated "public charity" (their term, not ours). Our US IRS tax ID number is 26-1913966.

We began Mitzvah Heroes in an attempt to fill the gap left by the closing of the Ziv Tzedakah Fund last spring. In 9 months, just over $30,000 has made its way to the very deserving Mitzvah Heroes and their clients in the United States and Israel. We have and will continue to treat all donations and the recipients with the utmost of respect and dignity.

Steve, Bill and I (co-directors of the Mitzvah Heroes Fund, Inc) are conscious that economic times are difficult for many people, and there may be additional hesitation to make donations to Jewish organizations due to recent developments and investment dollars lost due to dishonest people and practices.

The Better Business Bureau recommends that you look for recipient organizations which use no more than 35% of the donations they receive for overhead, publicity, etc. Two recent articles (one by the Associated Press and one by the Boston Globe) indicate that even those guidelines aren't always followed.

All three of us volunteer our time (which helps keep our overhead low) and are able to pass on to our Mitzvah heroes between 95%-97.5% of the funds we receive. We support Mitzvah heroes and organizations with minimal overhead and bureaucratic structures, preferring most of your money to go to direct support of people in need.

We need your help:

• If you're on Facebook, please join our group and suggest that your Facebook friends join our group.
• Consider making a contribution (quick and easy with PayPal from our website WITH OR WITHOUT a PayPal account) to celebrate this milestone; $10.00 or $18.00 goes a long way and is not a small or trivial amount of money to the Mitzvah Heroes Fund (of the donations received this year, over 90% were under $110.00)
• Tell your friends, Rabbis. Teachers, family (regardless of how young or old) about us and let them know that there are options and alternatives for their charitable dollars.
• Remember us when you need to honor or remember someone at a simcha or somber occasion.

In the next month or two, we will send out our first Annual Report describing the people, organizations and programs that WE (you and us together) have supported in the past year. This not only shows who we support and why, but will also add to our transparency as we will show all monies received and how they were distributed. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE THE NEWSLETTER FROM MITZVAH HEROES, please click here and scroll down to the box on the left-hand side.

Finally, here's a link you may find of interest: Bill, Steve and I were recently inteviewed by a reporter from the Washington Jewish Week. Quite frankly - it was a lot of fun and we got to talk about some very neat Mitzvah heroes!

Wishing you a year filled with the joy of making a difference in the lives of others,

Mary

Tzedakah

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about tzedakah. Often translated as “charity,” tzedakah really means "justice." It’s a mitzvah – a commandment, not at all voluntary. The concept of tzedakah often involves other Jewish concepts and middot or values:

• gemilut chasadim – deeds of lovingkindness
• kol israel areivim zeh ba'zeh - all of Israel is responsible for each other
• tikkun olam – repair of the world
• kavod – respect for people, human dignity

What triggered these thoughts – and their intensity? Several factors:

As you may or may not know, I am a co-director of the Mitzvah Heroes Fund, Inc. I’m the one who’s privileged to send out acknowledgement receipts to all our donors. Generally, I try to get the acknowledgements mailed within a couple of days of receiving the funds. Unfortunately, I’d fallen behind since early November. Each time I’d turn my computer on, a reminder would flash on my “To-do” list.

Mitzvah Heroes is very close to receiving notification of our approval as a 501(c)(3) organization. We’ve had “approval pending” on all our materials since March (our incorporation), but some donors are reluctant to donate until final approval is received. In light of the Madoff scandal, I can understand that sentiment. [The IRS does allow tax-deductions for contributions to “approval pending” organizations. Just thought you might like to know that!]

Mitzvah Heroes has also been involved in a couple of events recently. At one, we spoke to middle school aged day school students about the wide variety of tzedakah opportunities available and how to key their projects to their own interests.

In another setting, we were part of a Chanukah program. We spoke to fifth grade day school students about three Israeli “Mitzvah heroes” – organizations that make a big difference in people’s lives with very little bureaucratic process or overhead. We presented the students with a tzedakah challenge: If they organized a campaign to persuade lower school students to “vote” with their tzedakah which of the three recipients was the most deserving of funds, we would match their funds up to $180. The challenge could last only a week, because the following weekend, we had a courier leaving for Israel who could deliver the funds as allocated. We compared their collecting these funds to the purpose of the shamash/helper candle in the hanukiah/Chanukah menorah – they would be able to bring “light” to the recipients of their funds.

The students met our challenge – and exceeded it! In 5 days’ time, they raised $389 – of which we were able to match $274 ($180 plus money thrown in a pot at another engagement, plus tzedakah from my home, plus “found” money in an old wallet, plus…. you get the idea!) The money left for Israel on 12/21 and was distributed by the 24th. (I got a call on the 23rd, that they’d received an additional $27.35 – could we please pick it up? Of course I said “absolutely!”) Over $250 consisted of coins. Little donations that, when added to other little donations, made a big difference.

Our final MHF event of the month occurred in the middle of the Tzedakah Challenge Campaign. We set up a table at a Chanukah Fair at a nursing home. We had materials displayed from a number of the Mitzvah heroes we support and had the opportunity to talk tzedakah, mitzvot, and heroes with many of the residents, the chaplain, and guest speaker Danny Siegel, Mitzvah maven extraordinaire. It was a wonderful place to spend a day. We collected $70 that people added to the pot, if they wished (which we used to apply as matching funds for the Tzedakah Challenge). The atmosphere in the home that day was one of gentle kavod demonstrated towards the residents. It soothed my soul to see the respect with which they were treated and their delight in their ability to share their memories. I left feeling nurtured.

In addition to the above, I’ve also been asked to design an educational learning program for fifth grade students in our region on tzedakah. I’ve been grappling with what specific concepts we wanted to teach, in addition to which strategies we’ll employ, and which organizations we’d like to ask to participate. Yesterday, the pieces finally came together.
Our three key concepts will focus on the following:

*Maimonides’ 8 Levels of Tzedakah

*Universalism vs. Particularism in making donations

From Seder Eliyahu Rabbah, “If a person has food in his home, and wishes to
perform an act of tzedakah with it, first he must sustain his father and
mother; if there is anything remaining he should sustain his brothers and
sisters; after that the other members of his household; after that, other
members of his family; after that, those who dwell in his immediate area;
after that, those who dwell in the neighborhood; from then on, he may
increase his benevolence among the Jewish people.”

*Due Diligence in checking out recipient organizations -- see Smart Tzedakah

A person should not contribute to a tzedakah fund unless he knows its
management is reliable and knows how to conduct the fund properly. (Yoreh Deah
249:7)

If you haven’t yet made your final allocations for the current secular year – please do so. In today’s tight economic times, your pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollars are needed now more than ever.

Mid-Year Reflections

Six months ago, I engaged in reflective practice at the end of my first year as a “Jewish Educational Consultant.” At that time, I articulated some things I would “do differently” in this coming year. It’s worth taking a mid-year look and see how things stand at the mid-point of the year. Let’s see now:

I’ve decided to build in structured time to stay on top of the logistics involved in running a business. 9 AM on Monday mornings didn’t work. Well I structured a different time and day in, but I’m still not REALLY doing this. Time to think about new options:

• maybe asking a friend to help with the accounting piece (?Do I really want someone else getting in to my financial stuff? What would be the emotional cost of having a friend involved?)
• maybe working with an acquaintance who’s a life counselor (?Maybe I need to be accountable – sorry for the pun – to someone else?);
• maybe just quit messing around and do it?

On the positive side, I’ve set up a separate calendar on my PDA for invoicing purposes; all my receipts are in one drawer (even if they’re not entered into Quicken), and I’ve learned to cross reference invoices and checks received.

I’ll set up a process for new clients, so I can track whether I’ve opened a file or begun a project without forgetting any details. I’ve made some (small) progress here by setting up separate “binders” in my OneNote program – it enables me to save notes from phone calls, emails and download research directly from the Internet and save it.

I’ll revise the curriculum and materials for the long-term teacher training classes I’m running AND have them ready to go before the first class. DONE! – but the classes were cancelled because we didn’t have the enrollment the grantor required.

I’ll review and assess the format I use in other workshops, in order to model how one can teach to different learning styles. I’ve begun to do this – repackaging some of the workshops I’ve done in the past; using some new technology. It's actually been kind of fun!

I’ll look for a few other consultants here in the area to network with on a regular basis – for support, brainstorming, and collegiality. This I HAVE done – I’m now meeting/talking semi-regularly with three separate colleagues. It’s good to be able to bounce ideas around and to get energized when I hear what others are doing.

I’ll update and expand my website to more accurately reflect Morah Mary Consulting. I did revise the website this summer and even signed up for a search engine enhancement… BUT I didn’t follow through with the suggestions resulting from the analysis. It’s on my to-do list for this winter break.

Okay – what are some other things I’ve been involved in that weren’t on that list:

Pro-bono work – I’m working with a group that was in a period of crisis this summer, guiding them through the process of visioning and then articulating what they’re looking for in a new director.

Tzedakah work – As a co-director of Mitzvah Heroes Fund, we’ve watched our Fund collect and distribute over $30,000 in less than 9 months. We’re well on our way to getting our IRS 501(c)(3) status approved. In the last week, with a co-director, we’ve presented programs to two separate groups in this area.

Personal – as a personal tzedakah project, I knit scarves for homeless men and women who are sheltered by an interfaith group of religious institutions in Howard and Prince George’s counties in Maryland. One of the participating institutions is Oseh Shalom, where I worked for four years. It’s been my custom to knit scarves for the guests to have during the weeks they are housed at Oseh. So far, I’ve completed 18 men’s scarves and 3 women’s scarves. My goal is 2 dozen men’s scarves and 18 women’s scarves. The first guests will arrive at Oseh at the end of January. I’ve got a little time left – but not too much!

Personal study – With a friend and fellow-congregant, I’m co-chairing the weekly Torah study sessions at our synagogue, Tikvat Israel. Our primary job is to organize things so that each week someone leads the discussion on the Torah portion. It’s been fun…. but I’m thinking maybe it’s time for me to volunteer to lead another session – I haven’t done that since before Rosh Hashanah.

More reflection later – I’m “reflected out” right now!

Shabbat shalom.

Facilitating Group Dynamics

I did a couple of workshops for our local Education Day last month. Our individual workshop topics are often (intentionally) broad and designed to attract a wide number and variety of participants. It’s always a challenge to figure out how to convey the most amount of information in a very short period of time.

On the one hand, we’d like to be able to model good teaching strategies and involve our participants as much as possible. On the other, often the quickest way to present information is by using a frontal/lecture approach. And this year, we were given the added challenge: “Make your workshops work for both classroom teachers and youth group workers.” Both are teachers of Jewish kids – one in a formal educational setting; the other in an informal educational setting. My specific charge from the planning committee was – “Do something on classroom management.”

Several of us brainstormed ideas for workshop names (that’s not one of my strong points: naming things) and came up with one in time for the deadline: Facilitating Group Dynamics: Providing a Safe Structure for All Participants

In the past when I’ve taught mixed groups (classroom teachers and youth group workers), I’ve done my same-old-same-old, just periodically remembering to add, “Oh, this works in a youth group setting, too, by the way. All you have to do is….”

I decided this time, if I was going to model how to include both types of learners, I had to use language that 1) was intentionally exclusive; 2) flowed easily; and 3) really was applicable for both situations.

It was harder than I thought it would be.

I could easily identify which words I wanted to remove from my presentation: teacher, student, classroom, texts, principal/ed director, class. I wasn’t so sure what I would substitute – or how I could make the language flow easily instead of awkwardly. I played with a lot of phrases in my mind and was beginning to panic, when I reread the subtitle one more time: Providing a Safe Structure … The light bulb went on: STRUCTURE!

And so, I built an analogy between the structure necessary in order to allow for positive group dynamics in a safe, protected environment….and building a house! Here are some of the comparisons I made:

• Examine your site => find out about your setting
• Consult an architect => check in with your program director
• Subcontract, if necessary => know who your resource people are
• Build your foundation => identify the key values that will guide your work

In total, I outlined 13 steps, ending with “Give them the keys/Empower group members to be responsible for implementation.”

It ended up being great fun to prepare for the workshop – and the group that participated in the workshop really got into it. One of the best discussions ever! Here are links to .pdf files of both the PowerPoint and the Participant Workbook. Enjoy!